FAQs and Resources
Some info for the curious:
FAQ's
Why BDSM as an Intentional self-development and healing tool?
BDSM Skills, when used intentionally and with purpose, can be used specifically to support an individual's attainment of their goals, release trauma trapped in the body, face and then set themselves free of Shame, practice badass self acceptance, re-connect with their sensual selves, challenge their bodies-(think marathon participants and skydivers) realize their inner strength, enjoy the benefits of deep pressure therapy, find their voice and much much more!
BDSM in all it's forms, is about sensory and psychological play. It offers an "escape" from real life and is also more varied in what each session may hold and always customized to the needs/limits/interests of the submissive.
In general, BDSM is more about a power exchange-the surrendering of one's choice, physical self, mental self and etc. to the Mistress for her enjoyment and pleasure, which for me-is derived from the successes and breakthroughs of my clients.
It is also important to note that as a Mistress, I receive the power gifted to me as just that-a gift. My intention is to stretch and challenge my submissives, helping them grow and evolve into stronger and more centered people. I call myself a "tenderhearted sadist", and pain is often involved, but is not required of my submissives and each interaction is pre-negotiated and any adjustments may be made by the client regarding expectations and limits at any time-including during a session.
There are also many different tools I employ as a Mistress. Things like: Consensual Humiliation, spanking, pain or sensation play on non-buttocks parts of the body, submission commands/poses, shibari, service requests and tasks, assignments, punishments, orgasm denial and chastity cages just to name a few.
Submissives come to me for a break from their real lives, to receive consensual pain-psychological or physical, to cleanse themselves and unburden- to release resentment, negative emotions and emotional toxicity- and relax.
Many of my clients have stressful important jobs or business owners who are constantly in charge and decision-making. These people just need a break where they are not only not expected to be in charge...but actually forbidden.
This allows their nervous systems to relax and for them to stay present for what is happening in the moment.
Kind of like kinky meditation if you will.
Do you have limits for the kind of people you will work with?
I don't have "kinds" of people I won't work with, but I screen my clients very carefully and choose who I will take on and who I won't. I am checking for compatibility in the client's needs, physical limitations, preferences, fears, personality traits, and etc. to ensure I can provide excellent service and they are good candidates for the services they seek. I am also ensuring the individual is capable of consenting and that they are old enough to process our exchange in a healthy way. For this reason, I limit any sensation play to mild-moderate for individuals under the age of 26, and intellectual disabilities are carefully navigated.
I'm very new, but from what I've read-Honorifics are a no-no until a relationship is formed or an agreement is made. What should I call you?
This is a great question! Because I am a professional, I use my Honorific also as my name during any communication in this business. I absolutely agree that honorifics need to be negotiated, and earned. I also need to maintain professional distance, so this is how I have this structured:
Until we are in role, you may reference me with "Mistress Mia, or Mistress Payne", and once a relationship/services are agreed upon, you will be given further instructions.
Do I need to bring anything to our first session?
Your first session will be a whirlwind. Paperwork and logistics will be set, number of sessions laid out, your next session will be booked, and you will be initiated into my service with a short ritual, some physical impact tests to determine which sensations are best for your needs, and the administration of your first pain experience at my hands-if this is part of the service you have requested. It will be a lot, and I ask all submissives to bring the following to make your first session easier and less stressful:
For your personal storage box:
Any gags you enjoy, any fetish gear you would like to use, a protein snack of some kind that is stable at room temperature, and a cock cage if you have one.
You should always bring a bottle of water with you as well.
What if we see one another outside of session? How do we act?
Well, that depends entirely on my clients' situations. I generally pretend we don't know one another, unless the client has a different interest-and in the event they wish to interact, I try to do so at an acquaintance level of interaction. You can make your needs in this respect known during our initial pre-session conversation.
What are the benefits of BDSM, and can it actually HELP people?
The answer to that, is a resounding YES! Clients working with me often see a reduction in anxiety, better sleep, an increase in self confidence, an increase in their ability to handle stress, and often times an improvement in over-all quality of life. I spend a fair bit of my time really getting to know my clients, and my unique blend of coaching, accountability, nurturing, dominance and pain play can offer dopamine "hits", lower cortisol, and an increase in happy feelings-likely from oxytocin, as the Dominant/Submissive experience can bring feelings of support, intense human bonding, release of shame, and acceptance.
I'm interested in a coaching service that isn't necessarily kink-integrated, but rather kink-friendly. Do you offer that?
I do! As a Transformational Life Coach, I am interested in supporting you however you need. Feel free to start that conversation with me in the "contact me" button in the lower right hand corner.