FAQs and Resources
Some info for the curious:
FAQ's
Why BDSM and Spank Therapy as a self-development tool?
Spank therapy is used specifically to support an individual's attainment of their goals, usually related to habits or very quantifiable behavior modification. It is used to reinforce an individual's intention or resolve by holding them accountable for their behaviors and choices. Spanking is ideal for those people who KNOW what they want or need to do, but find themselves reverting to old behaviors or justifying choices because they lack anyone to hold them accountable.
It is a fallacy to believe that adults need to do everything alone. We go to Doctors when we're sick, Mechanics when our car is faulty, and accountants to do our taxes-so why can't we go to someone to assist with accountability in reaching our goals?! We can, and that is why I provide this service!
In addition, Spanking can provide endorphin release, which can lead to a calmer, more centered mind and feelings of happiness.
Spanking as an adult is a much different experience that being spanked as a child, which I do not condone as the brain is still developing, and consent is not granted.
Spank Therapy is a wonderful way to "tune-up" your mental state and keep you on track to meeting your personal development goals!
BDSM in all it's forms, is about sensory and psychological play. It offers an "escape" from real life and is also more varied in what each session may hold and always customized to the needs/limits/interests of the submissive.
In general, BDSM is more about a power exchange-the surrendering of one's choice, physical self, mental self and etc. to the Mistress for her enjoyment and pleasure, which for me-is derived from the successes and breakthroughs of my clients.
It is also important to note that as a Mistress, I receive the power gifted to me as just that-a gift. My intention is to stretch and challenge my submissives, helping them grow and evolve into stronger and more centered people. I call myself a "tenderhearted sadist", and pain is often involved, but is not required of my submissives and each interaction is pre-negotiated and any adjustments may be made by the client to expectations and limits at any time-including during a session.
There are also many different tools I employ as a Mistress. Things like: Consensual Humiliation, Pain implements that are not spanking related, pain or sensation play on non-buttocks parts of the body, submission commands/poses, shibari, service requests and tasks, assignments, punishments, orgasm denial and chastity cages just to name a few.
Spanking clients need simple support and a fast "in and out" way to be held accountable for the previous week's behaviors so they can move forward in reaching their goals, while BDSM clients tend to have long-term goals and we often spend several sessions together, even up to several years.
Submissives come to me for a break from their real lives, to receive consensual pain to cleanse, release, and relax, and an opportunity to play a role. Think play-acting but for adults.
Many of my clients have stressful important jobs or business owners who are constantly in charge and decision-making. These people just need a break where they are not only not expected to be in charge...but actually forbidden. This allows their nervous systems to relax and for them to stay present for what is happening in the moment.
Kind of like kinky meditation if you will.
Do you have limits for the kind of people you will work with?
I don't necessarily have "kinds" of people I won't work with, but I screen my clients very carefully and choose who I will take on and who I won't. I am checking for compatibility in the client's needs, physical limitations, preferences, fears, personality traits, and etc. to ensure I can provide excellent service and they are good candidates for the services they seek.
I'm very new, but from what I've read-Honorifics are a no-no until a relationship is formed or an agreement is made. What should I call you?
This is a great question! Because I am a professional, I use my Honorific also as my name during any communication in this business. I absolutely agree that honorifics need to be negotiated, and earned. I also need to maintain professional distance, so this is how I have this structured:
Until we are in role, you may reference me with "Mistress Mia, or Mistress Payne", and once a relationship/services are agreed upon, you will be given further instructions.
Do I need to bring anything to our first session?
Your first session will be a whirlwind. Paperwork and logistics will be set, number of sessions laid out, your next session will be booked, and you will be initiated into my service with a short ritual, some physical impact tests to determine which sensations are best for your needs, and the administration of your first pain experience at my hands-if this is part of the service you have requested. It will be a lot, and I ask all submissives to bring the following to make your first session easier and less stressful:
For your personal storage box:
Any gags you enjoy, any fetish gear you would like to use, a protein snack of somekind that is stable at room temperature, and a cock cage if you have one.
You should always bring a bottle of water with you as well.
What if we see one another outside of session? How do we act?
Well, that depends entirely on my clients' situations. I generally pretend we don't know one another, unless the client has a different interest-and in the event they wish to interact, I try to do so at an acquaintance level of interaction. You can make your needs in this respect known during our initial pre-session conversation.
What are the benefits of BDSM, and can it actually HELP people?
The answer to that, is a resounding YES! Clients working with me often see a reduction in anxiety, better sleep, an increase in self confidence, an increase in their ability to handle stress, and often times an improvement in over-all quality of life. I spend a fair bit of my time really getting to know my clients, and my unique blend of coaching, accountability, nurturing, and pain play can offer dopamine "hits", lower cortisol, and an increase in happy feelings-likely from oxytocin, as the Dominant/Submissive experience can bring feelings of support, intense human bonding, release of shame, and acceptance.
I'm interested in a coaching service that isn't necessarily kink-integrated, but rather kink-friendly. Do you offer that?
I absolutely do! For this service, please visit my (mostly) vanilla site:
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